Script

                                                                 Full Libretto available on request

Act 1, scene 7

The Pedersens' lounge. NILS, BENEDICTE, JULIAN and RONNIE are waiting for BEN to arrive.  There's a knock at the door.

Julian: It's open.

Another knock at the door.

Julian: I said it's open.

Another knock. JULIAN gets up and strides towards the door.

Julian: For crying out loud Ben!

JULIAN opens the door and BEN enters.

Ben: I say chaps, how did you know it was me?

Ronnie: Well lets see. We tell this guy Ben to be here at 2.30, and at 2.30 there's a knock at the door.

Ben: Oh very droll Ronnie (to BENEDICTE) Hi Bennie, my I see the old tummy's gone down a tad.

Benedicte: Ben, I've allowed you into my house. Don't push your luck by ogling my body.

Ben: So what's this all about eh? Don't tell me, you've found that needs a liftimes supply of good old Ben's throw away, Eco batteries.

Nils: Sit down and calm yourself Ben, it's much more exciting than that.

Ben: Oh wow! You mean you've fixed me up a hot date?

Benedicte: No Ben, it's something even you could do without screwing up.

Ben: I'm all ears.

Benedicte: Yeah, we know that.

Julian: How do you fancy playing bass guitar in our band?

Ben: Me? Oh wow...well I don't know...yes why not!...Oh golly gosh chaps!

Julian: You'll have to buy your own guitar of course.

Ben: (BEN slaps skin with JULIAN) No probs bro. I say, do I get to be on stage?

Benedicte: Yes, though preferably behind the speakers.

Ben: So, where's the gig then chaps?

Ronnie: It's Eurovision man.

Ben: You mean...little me will be on stage at the coolest rock festival in history?

Ronnie: The very one bassman.

Ben: (dreamily) I've always wanted to represent my country at something, just didn't think it would be as a rock god.

Nils: I'm afraid you won't be representing your country old boy.

Ben: But I don't understand, you said...

Ronnie: What he means is you'll be representing the Faroe Islands.

Ben: But I'm not Faroese!

Julian: Neither are we, but Elsa is.

Ben: Oh I see. Elsa sings and we play...like a multi cultural backing group.

Julian: Over my dead body Elsa sings! Ben, it's very simple. Elsa holds us to ransom, and we do the smiley, touchy-feely thing.

Ben: Hang on a minute chaps, isn't Nils Faroese too?

Nils: Well spotted my little fat friend, but unfortunately I haven't resided in my home country for over twenty years, which makes me...

Ben: Homesick?

Benedicte: Ben, you idiot! Nils is not eligible. 

Nils: But that's not the whole story. You see Ben, it's the songwriter that represents their country, and to be truthful Elsa is to songwriting what Ronnie is to hygiene. 

Ronnie: Geez, thanks man.

NILS puts a fatherly arm round BEN's shoulders.

Nils: The point is Ben, Julian will write the song and Elsa will say it's all her own work.

Ben: That means I'll be a...a criminal. I say, how exciting! Living on the wild side (he looks at BENEDICTE) we'll be just like Bonnie and Clyde.

ELSA comes down the stairs.

Elsa: I was overhearing everything you said.

Nils: It's called eavesdropping my darling little sister.

Elsa: Whatever. The point is you think I am so lacking in musical talent that I cannot write a song for Eurovision.

Nils: I couldn't have put it better myself.

Elsa: You have a poor memory brother dear.

Nils: When it comes to your songs, thankfully I do.

Elsa: (arrogantly) Who was it that won the Svinoy Festival gold medallion for original works?

Nils: I think it was you.

Elsa: There you go then.

Nils: I'd like to point out at this juncture that Elsa was nine at the time, the medallion was chocolate, and the song was called "My hamster dies last summer"

ELSA storms back upstairs.

Ronnie: "My hamster died"...man, that's a really sad song.

NILS:                If you think that's sad

                          Then you should listen to the rest

                          I have Elsa's manuscripts

                          And that one was the best

Ronnie:             Man you must be joking

                          How could someone be that sad

Nils:                 Well here it is in black and white

                         It's bad, bad, bad

Julian:              May I have a look? My god

                         I see just what you mean

                         This one's called 

                         "The bastard who returned his wedding ring"

Nils:                 That will be Sven Olsen

                         When engaged and just a lad

                         Ran away to Iceland now she's mad, mad, mad

Ben:                 Give the girl a break 

                         You don't know what she's going through

                         She is badly missing home

                         And must be feeling blue

Nils:                 Ben you must be joking

                         There is nothing there to miss

                         Old ladies knitting cardigans and fish, fish, fish

Benedicte:       For once I do agree with Ben

                         This really isn't fair!

                         She's given up a lot for us

                         And you don't see to care

Nils:                 My dear you're very noble

                         But the truth is there to see

                         Her life relies on selfishness

                         And me, me, me

Ronnie:            Man I just can't read no more

                         This girl's in quite a mess

                         I need to take some Valium

                         To rid me of this stress

Nils:                 Don't say I didn't warn you

                         Of this tale of pain and woe

                         Now you understand why she must

                         Go, go, go

All boys:           Now we understand why she must

                          Go, go, go